So, once again I ruined my fast.

It was around 7-ish and for some god forsaken reason I decided to go to out to a restaurant. It was a Greek restaurant and I had a strawberry milkshake, spanakopita, calamari, dolmades, moussaka and finished it all off with ice cream. Noooooo idea how many calories in that...

I'm going to guess...

300 in the milkshake

150 in the spanakopita

500 in the calamari

200 in the dolmades

1200 in the moussaka

250 in the ice cream....

Fuck it all, I'm fasting today and tomorrow and Tuesday to make up for this!!!

Still a failure, always a failure....

Okay, so I fasted all day because I knew my family was going to take me out to eat and I ordered wonton noodle soup without knowing how many calories are in it but I'm going to guess around 600, and then I could have I should have stopped there but I fucking didn't and I let my cousin Bill buy me a blizzard from DQ that has 560 calories... so that brought my calorie intake for the day over 1000 which is completely disgusting, I wish I could get rid of it, it's evil. FOOD IS FUCKING EVIL! IT'S THE ENEMY, I HATE IT, WHY CAN'T I RESIST IT, I NEED TO BE MORE VIGILANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, no excuse for not eating tomorrow so I shan't eat tomorrow. Or Sunday, I can do this fast and get rid of this shit in my body along with tons and tons of pounds.

I was 140 when I started this blog (I didn't update my PT signature) and when I weighed myself this morning I was back down my lowest weight, 136lbs so even if I gained it won't be much or for long, I will go further than 136lbs, I will get to 100 then 96lbs. I WILL I WILL I WILL!

Resist Temptation

Kay, so when I got back from History class (which I paid zero attention) I had a huge craving to make a serving of pasta with vegetarian bolognese pasta sauce.... but I gulped down some peppermint tea and then cracked open a diet pepsi so the craving is gone temporarily. I have to make it through today at least.... Remember, Montreal, clothes, Greece, clothes, beach, bikini, thin thin thin thin thin thin....

Failed

So, of course, I had to fail on the first day of my fast and it was completely my fucking fault, no one coerced me into eating, I ate of my own free will.

I still have to drill it into my head that food is the enemy apparently.

So what I ate, well, my boyfriend and his roommate obviously wanted to go to Wendy's for lunch just because they were hungry and wanted fast food. The decision rested with me and my lack of will power said "Okay, let's go."

I ordered a small chili, which is 190 calories.

I also had around 5 fries, that's maybe around 50 cals?

Later that evening my boyfriend bought me a muffin, 440 cals.

Daily total --> 680

Tommorow I shall not eat at all. Even if it means I have to crawl into my bed and lay there for all hours of the day, I have a new incentive to lose weight.

Okay, so my god mother wants me to go visit her in Montreal before taking off to Greece and go shopping for new clothes for Greece which would be fucking epic! Problem is, I need to lose the weight so my god mother doesn't think I'm a fucking fat ass. If I go visit her at the end of

April, that gives me February, March and two weeks of April to lose 40lbs. It's going to be hard, require a lot of fasting and actually going to the gym again... I can do it, I must do it, I can never be happy if I don't manage to do this!!!

So, fast tomorrow. Friday fasting might be difficult since my family is visiting and they will probably take me out to a restuarant, just don't eat that much and fast Saturday, Sunday and every. fucking. day. after that, I should be good. I can't wait to lose this weight!

Day Before the Fast

So tomorrow I start a 28 day fast.

I'll use this blog to post my successes (and failures, I hope there are none of those) and hopefully by the end of it I will be around 125lbs! ^_^